When children misbehave, there are a number of situations in which parents can discipline them. Disciplining a child is the same as helping them learn the acceptable behavior. For learning to take place, there is need for a strong connection between a parent and the child.
In some circumstances, parents’ failure to discipline their kids can do more harm than good. When parents attack their children’s worthiness to exist, instead of their behavior, they can do long-term damage.
It is crucial to distinguish between criticism and correction. In the context of this discussion, “correction” refers to the process of altering one’s behavior. Instead of condemning their kids’ worthiness, parents correct them for doing something wrong.
Kids can win back their parents’ approval by making a minor adjustment to their behavior after reprimanding them.
Criticism, on the other hand, is an attack on a child’s worthiness. There is nothing kids can do to repair their fundamental nature after criticism.
For this reason, there’s no easy way to get back into their parents’ good graces. Criticism undermines kids’ self-esteem and self-confidence by telling them they are unworthy of love and affection and will never be.
What does “connection before correcting” mean?
Prior to the correction, “connection before correction” suggests that, the youngster who is still learning about feelings, needs to have the grown-up to first connect with their feelings before correcting them.
Love and human connection are essential for everyone’s well-being. We are wired to flourish when we feel like we belong to a family or group.
We must begin with the connection if you want your kids to accept and grow under rules and discipline.
Connecting at the beginning has numerous advantages
When a youngster has a sense of belonging, they are more open to being corrected. As a result, they are more likely to assume that they are first in your priorities and that you are more concerned with helping them than punishing them.
Kids must be receptive to what you say if you want them to understand what you are trying to convey.
It’s important to pay attention to your tone, how you approach, and other nonverbal indicators. This is because they will influence the impression of your intent. You can maintain the relationship if you remain caring and calm.
In addition, children will avoid going into their stress response of freeze, flight, or fight if they remain calm and collected. When they are under stress, they use their survival brain rather than their thinking brain to function.
They are unable to hear and respond to arguments rationally. We risk losing the entire lesson if we try to reprimand them while they are under the influence of their stress response. Wait for everyone to calm down, and then connect before making any corrections.
Strategies to help you connect with your child, 10 explained
Don’t use discipline as a form of punishment
The word ‘disciple’ means ‘to teach,’ not ‘to punish.’ For kids to learn important life skills, they need to feel safe and secure all the time.
When it’s acceptable, express your emotions and thoughts
Keep in mind that youngsters are more receptive to your instructions when they feel heard. Children feel a stronger connection to you when you tell a story about yourself that touches or surprises them.
Recognize and accept your child’s emotions
You can use proof to show your child that you care about them. Understanding is vital to establishing a sense of belonging and support.
Once you accept the person’s expression of their sentiments, you can begin to understand them. Don’t try to fix what you imagine they’re feeling or thinking.
It’s important to cultivate a sense of belonging
To get the emotional connection and positive attention they seek, children often lash out in ways they believe will bring them closer to the people they care about.
In order to generate trust, you must first establish a relationship with them. This will allow your children to express their worries and issues openly to you.
Hear and listen to your child
Take a break from whatever you’re doing and focus all your attention on your youngster. Your child needs to know that you’re listening to them in order to feel that they matter.
Responding slowly and patiently shows that you are genuinely interested in what the other person says. Being a good active listener doesn’t mean you can’t answer.
Be firm but loving
Tone plays such an important role in effective positive parenting. You may be loving and firm at the same time if you set high standards for your kids.
Before correcting your child’s behavior, you will reap significant advantages if you put in the effort to connect with them. Receptiveness will shift from a state of defensiveness to one of openness for your children. They are going to pay attention.
Spend quality time with your kids
Make a personal connection with your youngster. Make time in your schedule to spend quality time with your child rather than quantity of time and get to know them on a deeper level. As a result, trust between parent and young one will grow stronger.
Asking intrusive questions
To help your child develop logical and critical thinking skills, ask him open-ended questions to help him come up with the best possible answer. Questions that are sincere open the heart and mind, allowing for a connection.
In this way, children will be able to understand better the repercussions of their actions rather than have those consequences imposed upon them.
Lots of kisses and hugs will help
It’s impossible to overestimate the value of embracing your child. We could all use a good old-fashioned hug now and then. Hugging is beneficial to everyone, but it’s especially critical for children.
Yes, it’s true that hugs are beneficial for us, but when we’re hurting, a hug may help us feel better and connect us with our children in an instant.
After a cooling-off phase, begin to look for answers with youngsters
The best way to connect with your child is to work together to find a solution. Take a step back and disassemble the problem into its constituent parts. When a specific circumstance arises, get your child’s opinion on how they see it.
Encourage the best behavior by connecting with your kids?
You can encourage good behavior or responses by recognizing feelings and helping your child find a coping technique. Don’t shout at your four-year-old if he or she throws his toys across the room after his sister knocks down his tower. It’s better to say something like, “Relax!
Instead of telling children, “Don’t throw blocks!” acknowledge their feelings and ask them to weigh the pros and cons of the scenario.” Your face is showing rage. Do you have anything in particular that you require?
Try some remedies, such as going to their relaxation spot, getting a hug, or drinking water.
As soon as your child has dealt with their feelings, you can go back to the moment and remind them of more appropriate methods to express themselves.
Before you correct your child, remember the following:
- Encouraging your child to recognize and sympathize with the feelings of others. This will allow them to form more meaningful connections with others and be of service.
- Your child will respond better to your “correction” if you teach them how to deal with and express their feelings in a healthy way.
- Learning to identify and express one’s feelings can go a long way toward helping a child control their own emotions.
- Making an effort to be an ally, rather than an adversary, to the person you’re trying to aid.
Finally, you’ll reap substantial rewards if you place a priority on bonding with your child before correcting bad behavior. Receptiveness will shift from a state of defensiveness to one of openness for your children. They are going to pay attention.